Project Runway - Episode Three

At the top of the show, we see Daniel lamenting that Wesley's shorts-clad heinie was cut last week.

And the designers get ready to hit Parsons for info on their next challenge.

Once there, Heidi shares some of her vast fashion knowledge before bringing out Suede's and Wes' models.

Suede keeps his model and Wes' is given the dreaded double cheek kiss from Heidi. She then informs the group that they should head back to the Atlas and wait for Tim who is going to take them out for a night on the town.

Stupid designers, they get all excited and imagine swanky nightclubs and fine restaurants. All except for Stella who has other things on her mind.

In due time, Tim comes a-knockin', clad in a raincoat. Blayne obnoxiously calls him "Tim-licious" when he answers the door. Girl-licious - that's getting old-licious.

Tim walks the designers to a double decker tour bus where they are to sit on the top deck and enjoy the weather. He also gives them their challenge - to create a look for a night on the town, inspired by New York at night. Basically a night-time version of the Inspiration challenge from Season two in which Andre created that fabulously stunning dress inspired by gutter water (one of the few truly memorable designs from any episode, IMHO).

Yes, it is raining.

After receiving cameras, groups of designers are dropped off at different locations in the city where they have one hour to take photos:

Suede, Daniel, Leanne, Jennifer - Columbus Circle
Stella, Kenley, Blayne, Keith - Times Square
Joe, Kelli, Korto - New York Public Library
Terri, Emily, Jerrell - Greenwich Village

Stella seems to have lots of issues. First she has problems using the camera. Then Keith steps in front of her as she's snapping a shot.


No, you're here to be an asshole, right?

The next morning, Tim tells the designers they have 30 minutes to choose one photo and $100 to shop for materials at Mood. Stella also seems to have problems with shopping, repeatedly asking "who is helping me?" It must have been lingering fumes from that jet-black hair dye she uses....

When they return to Parsons, they have until 1AM to finish their designs inspired by a rainy night in the city.

In the meantime, Blayne acts bizarre and bugs his eyes out at Kenley.

Stella, of course, is working with her precious leatha and is annoying the others by noisily hammering grommets into the material. When they complain, she displays a cheerful attitude along the lines of "f*ck you, bitches."

Straight man Joe gets catty and makes disparaging comments about Kenley's choice of fabrics, calling it suitable for "Fort Lauderdale, lawn-cushiony things." Can we say he was being a tool about the tulle?

Tim comes in for his round of "make it work" and finds reasons to be concerned with most designers. He seems especially distressed by Emily.

One o'clock comes far too fast and even then most of the designers are scrambling to finish. The next morning, Tim comes in to give them their hour for hair and makeup. He also breaks the bad news to Keith that his model Runa had to drop out of the competition, so he's going to be working with Wes' eliminated model instead. Keith seems cranky that he has to refit his...dress...to a new body, but it's not like he got to fit it on Runa at all.

Then we have the infamous "holla at ya boy" incident that I reported last week. It was in the previews but not in the episode, but that's sometimes the way with Bravo's wacky editing. Turns out it was actually in this week's episode. I stand by my earlier comment that Tim should never allow such nonsense to leave his lips. Few enough people know how to use the plethora of perfectly lovely and serviceable words the English language has available - please let's not lose another!

On to the runway.

Heidi looks as classy as ever.

Can't say the same for guest judge Sandra Bernhard. Did I hear right - she's going on tour with her show, "Without You I'm Nothing?" Wow, that stuff's 20 years old. Doesn't she have any new material? Besides all of the plastics in her face?

After the runway show, Heidi holds back the three best and three worst designs. Amazingly, the three girls who looked alike to me in the first episode were all represented.

So Emily does look a little different from the other two. Not better, just different.

The judges were smoking some major crack this week. For instance, how did Michael Kors miss the opportunity to say about Terri's backless dress with pants...

...something like this?

...because I sure thought it looked like an Impressionist painting from hell. Don't get me wrong, I like the Impressionists, but I wouldn't cover a sofa with that Monet water lily-esque fabric. And the multicolored sleeves - hideous! But...the cut of the dress and the fierceness of the model won out and Terri ended up in the top three. Even if her model didn't seem to have any feet.

Jerrell's dress looked pretty fantastic to me, yet he was only "safe." That's a lot of good work, girlfriend.

This is Kenley's dress. It looks like she's got a huge purple boil on her left thigh, and the judges agreed with me. The fabric is rather Florida lawn furniture, but again something I wouldn't use on my sofa.

Michael Kors and the rest of the judges thought it was faboo. And gave Kenley the win. Yes, my eyes bugged out like that too when Heidi made the announcement.

I thought this dress, made by one of the boring twins, should have won. She really made up for her brown shiny monstrosity last week, ironically enough, by using the same loopy shapes.

The other boring twin made this matronly thing, inspired by clocks. Oh yeah...time to go!

But no...Headband Emily's titruffle offended the judges more. I thought it was innocuous and at least well-finished, but everyone got their panties in a bunch over it. And so the girl who looked like the other girls but not quite as much as I thought she did two weeks ago was told to pack up her schmatte and her headbands and get her scrawny butt out.

It does look like a clown vomited on it though. Sorta like Blayne's. Although his was a gay clown.

*Rich Juzwiak writes the blog Four Four.